Improving your mental health — There is no easy way out

I talked a lot about dating, society, and other modern issues in the past year. A lot of these problems have a common cause — poor mental health.

Rates of mental health disorders are higher than at any time in recorded history. Suicides, anxiety disorders, depression, narcissistic/bipolar/borderline personality disorders, and various eating and addictive disorders. Even neurological disorders are on the rise — ADHD, ADD, and ASD / Autism.

Countless more people grapple with high stress, irritability, low self-esteem, low confidence, narcissism, and other side effects from such disorders. Younger people (Millennials and Gen Z), in particular, are disproportionally affected. It’s almost becoming glorified among the youth to be “struggling with their mental health” or “working on their mental health” these days.

Although increased mental health awareness and recognition are partly to blame, I believe the main reason is the unhealthy lifestyles that most people live today — stemming from increased amounts of brain stimulation and abuse of dopamine, and not being properly equipped to deal with adversities in life. Unhealthy lifestyles lead to unhealthy people.

Now fixing your mental and cognitive health should be easy right? Just live a healthy lifestyle? Yes, but it’s not so simple. The human body is complex, and we live in a time with more distractions than ever. But before we get there, let’s understand why there is poor mental health in today’s world.

This is a long post. I will try to cover the many perspectives I’ve learned over the years. Having gone through mental health struggles myself and climbed my way back up, and witnessing/helping countless others through their struggles, I am going to summarize why this is happening, what worked for me, and what didn’t work.

With rampant individualism and the lack of morality in the modern West, as I mentioned in many of my other blog posts, people are free to do whatever they want without severe consequences. We are free to let our animalistic instincts and feelings take over instead of using our rational minds. Modern culture teaches us to “follow your hearts” or “do whatever makes you happy”.

And with the abundance of materialism and wealth in the developed world, people didn’t have to work as hard to get what they wanted. Because they didn’t have to deal with as many challenges growing up, they are not as equipped with mental toughness when difficulties arise. Society as a whole is less disciplined and mentally weaker as a result.

When you do something “good”, your brain releases a chemical called dopamine. It produces a dopamine high, and it is what makes you feel rewarded, or feel good. This creates a positive reinforcement where you’re biologically inclined or unconsciously motivated to do things that produce more dopamine. It is the reward system in your brain.

Technology and the rise of various substances have allowed more easy ways to gain dopamine and “have fun” than ever.

Since people are greedy and lazy by nature and society enables them to do so, they focus on maximizing their short-term “happiness” and chase this instant gratification (dopamine high), instead of developing a healthy reward system that drives them to work hard and overcome challenges. From various recreational drugs to partying to casual sex to gambling, video games, junk food/sugar, and social media, there are more ways than ever to chase that high.

I think a lot of depression, anxiety, addictive disorders, ADHD, and ASD-like symptoms today stem from dopamine abuse.

In fact, I believe the amount of stimulation that the human brain is being exposed to today is unprecedented.

For millennia of human history until the last 50 years or so, humans were never exposed to this amount of electronics and other substances. Electronics, social media, video games, recreational drugs, alcohol, caffeine, easy access to pornography and sex, junk food, etc. — Our brains are simply not adapted to this level of stimulation.

Also, our lives today are more complex than ever.

The human body and brain are simply not adapted for such a complex and fast-paced life. Think of the way people lived for thousands of years before modern times — most of them simply farm and hunt for food their entire lives, raise a family, try to survive, and die.

People today, on the other hand, are expected to learn all these complex concepts through years of schooling like computers, mathematics, and philosophy. They then work highly sophisticated and mentally demanding jobs from engineering to business and medicine. They also navigate complex interpersonal politics while trying to understand the complexities of modern society. All that while trying to make enough resources (money) and survive. These things were unimaginable for people even a few generations ago.

Thanks to technology, our way of life has changed so rapidly in such a short period of time relative to human history, that our bodies and brains didn’t have enough time to evolve and adapt. The average human life is simply much more complex, and our brains are pushed beyond their biological capabilities. Many people are suffering as a result.

Furthermore, there is more negativity in the world than ever.

With information flowing more quickly than ever, and the pace of life faster than ever, negative information spread like wildfire. Our brains are simply not adapted to handle this level of negativity.

Due to the serotonin in our brains, we humans tend to remember negative experiences much more vividly than positive ones. It’s a survival mechanism — we learn to avoid negative and potentially dangerous situations. That feeling of anxiety when encountering a threatening situation is what keeps us alive.

Even though we are much less likely to be exposed to life-threatening situations compared to ancient times, our brains have not evolved. Anything that the brain perceives as threatening, whether it’s a rejection, a minor conflict, or hearing negative news — things that could get you killed in the past still leave the same psychological impact. And with the pace of life so much faster, we experience these negative events more frequently than ever, more than what our brain is designed to handle.

As a result, many people are suffering from all kinds of anxiety and stress disorders. People go through hundreds of rejections/failures (whether it’s for school, finding a job or a romantic partner, or making new social connections) and pretend it’s normal, but it is not.

The media and news also feed on that and prioritize spreading negativity, because it gets more attention. As a result, every news source you look at is filled with negative news, while positive news is put aside.

I believe most people are suffering from mental health and neurological disorders now because they’ve simply been overstimulated. Due to the aforementioned reasons, our brains are pushed beyond their limits.

Because of how fast-paced and complex our lives are now, people don’t have time to take breaks and self-reflect. They are constantly being told what to do and flooded with information every minute they are awake. As a result, many people lack a self-identity and have low self-esteem. They don’t know who they are, and they don’t know what they really want.

People in the past were mentally healthier simply because they didn’t have as many sources of dopamine or brain stimulation, and were more in touch with the real world. They had to work hard for things and were mentally tougher, so they were more equipped to deal with adversities and challenges. The pace of life was much slower, meaning they don’t go through nearly as many negative events compared to the average person today.

However, it is also true that many in the past suffered in silence, while people today are generally more open about mental health struggles.

Let’s go a little deeper.

With such an unprecedented amount of external stimulation in the world today, your brain releases too much dopamine regularly.

When your brain is hooked on easy dopamine, it short circuits, or “rots”. Your brain chemistry is altered. You stop using your brain to think rationally, but rather let your feelings and animalistic instincts take over. You don’t have as much patience to work hard and persevere through difficulties and adversities. You take the path of least resistance.

Also, with the younger generation having grown up hooked on electronics (think Gen Z, Gen Alpha, or the iPad kids), the overstimulation during their formative years has permanently altered their brain development. They are thus more prone to behavioural and mental health issues compared to older generations as their brains aren’t properly developed. So if you’re a parent reading this, do your children a favor and stop letting them have easy access to electronics. Control their screen time.

Constantly chasing the dopamine high leads to behavioural patterns that resemble ADHD and Autism/ASD — You’re constantly restless, agitated, stuck in your head, disconnected from the real world, and cannot focus.

Once you stop having access to that dopamine, your brain malfunctions. Since it is used to the new normal of high dopamine, it simply crashes. You feel like sh*t. Take a look at drug addicts suffering from withdrawal symptoms when they stop taking drugs — It resembles the symptoms of severe anxiety and depression. That is most people today when they stop having access to their substances, whether that’s their phone, social media, validation, caffeine, junk food, pornography, sex, video games, or drugs.

And it is a vicious cycle that repeats itself. Just like drug addicts who need to use stronger drugs over time to feel the same high they always had, many people today sink deeper and deeper into their unhealthy habits. They become increasingly lazy and disconnected from the real world. Their attention spans are shot. They cannot focus on doing anything productive, working hard, or thinking rationally. They burn out. They have less hope of becoming “normal” so they simply give up and keep feeding onto their habits until they waste their entire lives away.

As a result, you start to see more and more people disconnecting from the real world in various forms, whether becoming complete loners or shut-ins, doing crime or reacting in violent ways, or peacing out from society altogether (NEETs, MGTOW, Hikikomoris, lying flat, anti-work, etc.).

With poorer mental health, people are also a lot less tolerant of each other and more anti-social. There is a lot more hostility in general — Families are splitting apart, society is divided between ideologies, there is more violence and crime on the streets, and more global conflicts are breaking out. People are also a lot less rational and are prone to being brainwashed, and more prone to becoming radicalized.

All this negativity feeds onto our already overextended brains, and we get a mental health crisis like we are seeing today.

Ok, let’s get back on track. How do you improve your mental health?

Even though I am not a certified mental health professional (albeit an engineer with a degree in applied psychology), I tried many methods, scientific or not, and there are some things that certainly helped me and my peers to improve our mental health. This is purely based on my experience, so take it with a grain of salt.

But before we get into that, let me address some common misconceptions and bad advice.

• Just see a therapist / take prescribed drugs — Some people expect to see a therapist or take some pills and have all their mental health problems magically disappear. They think it’s an easy way out. No no no. Understand that only you are responsible for yourself. No one else is going to save you if you’re not willing to take action to fix your mental health. A therapist or drug may help you and make things easier, but they cannot fix your problems. There is no easy way out. I’ve seen people blowing money on therapy or prescription drugs and ending up addicted to those drugs instead, while their problems were never resolved. You need to address your underlying issues first.
• Just do things you enjoy / things that make you happy — When many people are in a poor state of mind, they develop (often subconscious) coping mechanisms to numb their pain. It’s easier to do some things to distract yourself and escape reality than to face your problems, and there are more ways than ever to do so (video games, porn, junk food, alcohol, smoking, unhealthy hobbies or obsessions, etc.). These things may seem enjoyable in the moment, but you will hurt more in the long run by not solving your issues. If you want to improve, you need to face your demons, and that will not be enjoyable. Having mental strength means you are comfortable doing uncomfortable things.
• Avoid / Suppress negativity — It’s easier said than done. Sure, the world is quite negative, but there are many experiences that one must go through in order to grow in a modern society, whether it’s facing rejection, experiencing failures or setbacks, handling emotions, as well as reacting to negative or unexpected news. Sure, you can cut out these things, suppress your negative emotions, detach from society, or reduce the consumption of news/media, but it just makes you more avoidant, more disconnected from reality, and stay in your comfort zone. Problems don’t go away by avoiding them. To thrive in the modern world, you need to be quite comfortable dealing with negativity, and not be personally affected by it.
• Become ultra-disciplined (“Monk Mode”) — Many self-improvement guides preach this “monk mode” and ultra-discipline as a way of self-improvement. As the name suggests, it involves cutting out distractions (and often social and dating life) completely and living like a monk, putting all your time and effort into being productive. However, if you’ve been undisciplined for a long time, it’s not healthy to swing from one extreme to the other. It will make you even more miserable. You’ll quickly fall short of your expectations, lose motivation, and burn out. To achieve good mental health, you should be striving for balance. Do everything in moderation and set realistic expectations.
• Be generous and help others — Although I will talk about this later, in the beginning stages, you’re not in a position to help others. You need to prioritize yourself first. Set boundaries. Don’t say yes to everything. Cut out toxic and unimportant people from your life. Some mentally unhealthy people think they can gain happiness by helping others or becoming selfless, so they put themselves into situations where they get used or taken advantage of, which damages their mental health further when they realize it. They also become too focused on other people and neglect their own problems. Save yourself first before you save others.

Let’s get to the actual advice.

Now, after talking so much earlier about dopamine, I believe the first step to improving your mental health is a dopamine detox or dopamine fasting. You need to reset your brain back to its normal state before it is damaged by all the external stimulation and instant gratification.

Essentially, you want to make your conscious, rational mind be in control, rather than being a slave to your unconscious impulses, dopamine, and external stimulation.

It won’t be an overnight process. With how much exposure the average person has had to electronics and other substances, it will take many months, if not years, to undo all the damage to your brain. However, you will start to notice the positive effects in as little as a few days (although it’ll take at least 3 months of detox to see a drastic effect).

So how do you dopamine detox?

• Meditation and getting used to boredom — This is a difficult step for most people today as they rarely experience boredom. Their brains never get downtime aside from sleep. There are just so many things to do when awake, and they are always stimulated one way or the other. Having practiced Buddhism and meditation, I’ve found that true mental clarity and mental health come from peace of mind. And to achieve this peace of mind, one must be free of distractions — aka boredom. Practice mindful meditation daily. Set out some time every day and do nothing. And even when you are doing something, stay focused on the current task. Your brain needs rest to stay healthy and clear and not burn out.
• Minimize distractions — There are so many things in our daily lives that can be distracting. It is practically impossible to cut out distractions unless you’re a literal monk, but you can do your best to minimize them. The best way to do so is to make distractions less accessible. Make it very inconvenient to do things that are distracting (your smartphone, social media, video games, junk food, porn, alcohol, etc.), and make it easy to do productive things (working, studying, exercising, eating healthy, resting, etc.). This way, you are practically forced to be productive by your environment.
• Cut out the mindless activities — Let’s take it a step further. Think about how much time per day you waste on mindless activities, whether it’s doom scrolling on social media, binge-watching YouTube videos or Netflix shows, playing video games, or watching porn. Forget about moderating, as you won’t be reading this blog otherwise. Cut out these activities from your life and see how you feel. You’d be surprised how much time you free up in which you could be productive and rest.
• Consume long-form content only — Now with all that free time on your hands, you need to replace it with healthy and more challenging activities. You need to increase your attention span. There are many things you can do, but let’s first focus on the content you are consuming. Short and stimulating content (like social media, YouTube shorts / Instagram / TikTok) that gives quick rewards is damaging, so you want to stick to long-form content only. Watch movies and documentaries, read books (not short-form stuff like comics / Manga or magazines), do some writing, or make some art.
• Get in touch with the real world — Furthermore, you need to use your free time to live in the real world rather than living in your substance-fuelled bubble. We are humans after all and we are designed to live in the physical world. Connect with people in person. Get involved in communities. Exercise and get sunlight. Know what’s happening in the world. Get productive and healthy hobbies (preferably one that does not involve a screen). These are much more healthy ways to get dopamine compared to the various artificial substances and electronics, and it is what humans are designed to do.
• Build good habits — Ultimately, the key to becoming healthy, mentally and physically, is to live a healthy lifestyle. That happens through healthy habits. If you keep doing the same thing every day, don’t expect your life to change magically — You won’t change your life unless you change your habits. Motivation and self-discipline can only carry you so far — it’s easy to lose steam. Habits make you do things automatically. Develop healthy habits, whether that is eating healthy, consistent exercise, mindfulness, learning, or reflection. Good habits compound, so as bad ones. Don’t let bad habits drag you down.

Dopamine detox is difficult. Many people will initially feel a loss in energy levels, as well as more stress, anxiety, and depression from decreased levels of dopamine. Many will give up and return to their old habits.

But you need to tell yourself how much better life can get when your mental health is improved. Think about how much more free time you can have from abusing these mindless substances. You need to be motivated and persevere.

Now that your brain and reward system are in a better place, let’s talk about the second step — building positive reinforcement.

Ultimately, I believe good mental health comes from positive reinforcement. It means you have a healthy reward system, you can overcome challenges, and you’re using it to do productive things.

When you achieve something difficult and you are recognized for it, you gain self-confidence and self-esteem. This feeds into more motivation to improve yourself more and achieve greater things.

So how to build positive reinforcement?

• Recognize that true freedom comes from being disciplined — Otherwise, you are a slave to your impulses. Develop some self-control. Control your substance intake.
• Do challenging things — You need to step outside of your comfort zone to achieve greater things. You don’t know your potential until you try, and you will feel the reward once you accomplish something challenging. Do this while staying away from easy dopamine sources.
• Delayed gratification — While you do these challenging things, stay away from distractions, and fully focus until you complete each task. If you are constantly distracted, you cannot be productive.
• Live in the present — When you live in the past, you get depression. When you live in the future, you get anxiety and stress. Learn to enjoy the present. Focus on the things you can control. Focus on the activity you are doing right now. Pay attention to the tiny details in life. Enjoy these fine details of life.
• Pay attention to your physical health — Mental and physical health go hand in hand. One cannot be mentally healthy without being physically healthy. Put some effort into self-care and develop a healthy lifestyle. Sleep well, eat well, get exercise, and go outdoors. You’ll feel much more energetic and it will translate into better mental health.
• Surround yourself with positive people — Humans are social animals and peer pressure is a huge motivator — We humans are easily influenced by our social environments after all. Whether that’s going to an office to get work done, going to a public gym to exercise, or going to a library to read and study. You will have a much easier time doing such things in these environments because people around you are doing so.
• Let go of expectations — Expectations lead to disappointment. Let things go. Once you stop having expectations, everything will feel less pressured, and you will feel at ease. You perceive results less negatively, whether it’s a setback, rejection, or failure. Focus on the things you do, but don’t dwell on it afterward. Focus on the process, not the result.
• Help the people in need — Ultimately, I believe all human spirits are interconnected. When you help someone, you’re also helping yourself. There is something good about helping others who are in need, and you will sure feel good afterward. You’ll see what I mean once you try it.

Now that you’ve completely reset your reward system, you need to do a bit of self-reflection. What is causing my poor mental health? Why am I more inclined to do certain unhealthy things? Is this the result of trauma?

Most people today live with some form of trauma. Whether that’s from abuse, bullying, bad parenting, cultural beliefs, accidents, or repeated failures to accomplish certain things, we humans tend to remember the negative experiences much more vividly than the positive ones. As I discussed earlier, it is our survival instinct to recognize and avoid these situations. You need to do some introspection and understand your traumas.

However, those things have already happened and cannot be changed. Self-reflection is about changing your mindset to not be personally affected by these things that happened in the past or the present, or what could happen in the future. Make peace with yourself. In fact, you should not be personally affected by negativity in general.

You need to adopt a growth mindset.

• Recognize that you are not defined by your past — Whether you have failed or accomplished many things, or experienced good things or bad, these things do not define you as a person. You are who you believe you are. Even though you may be judged by your accomplishments or failures, you should not let that affect you personally. Also, stop comparing yourself to others — compare yourself to who you were yesterday. You are not superior or inferior compared to others.
• Recognize that you are the source of your troubles — The world is messed up, but you on your own cannot change the world, or even change other people. You cannot rewrite your history. Stop blaming others or something in the past for your current problems. You can only change yourself in the present, and be the best version of yourself. You can only change the things you can control.
• Don’t expect someone else to fix your problems — Whether it’s a therapist, your family, or a pill/drug, you need to confront your own demons and fix your own problems. Other forces can help you or guide you, but ultimately, it is up to you to take the necessary actions.
• Don’t internalize your negative thoughts — Don’t bottle it up. Find out why these thoughts are coming up — talk to your family, friends, or a therapist. Journalling also helps a lot. Don’t let yourself be consumed by these thoughts. However, do not trauma dump on people — you’ll end up spreading that negativity, and most people will not sympathize with you (even if they appear to be nice). Become the positive light yourself.
• 1% better each day — Growth is a long journey, and so is improving on your mental health. It won’t happen overnight, and the growth is not always linear, but you have to be persistent in your effort and watch your progress. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
• Resilience — Whether it’s improving your mental health or achieving a certain goal, you need to be persistent in your effort. Many people today have short attention spans and give up too easily when they don’t see immediate results. Many things in life are uncomfortable but you need to push yourself to do them. Be consistent and build good long-term habits.
• Gratitude — Appreciate what you have, and recognize that you are fortunate (and that there are many people in the world who are less fortunate than you are). You are lucky to be alive and thriving. Spread positivity and help other people along the way.

Finally, you need to develop a purpose.

It’s hard to stay focused on yourself and your priorities when you don’t have a purpose or a drive. You will simply be feeling empty and filling your void and time with various substances or distractions, or trying to conform to other people’s expectations.

It is difficult to think about your purpose and life's meaning when you’re constantly overworked, overwhelmed, and being told what to do. So I encourage you all to take a break from your busy lives and reflect.

What do I want to achieve independent of societal and other people’s expectations? What is MY ideal life? What is MY purpose in the world?

Use that as motivation to drive you forward, not external forces such as parental pressure, peer pressure, and societal expectations (including money and status). Go out there and get what you want in life.

All the mentally healthy people I know have a strong sense of self-purpose and are actively working towards it.

Okay, props for reading so far and getting to this point in the blog. You have a better focus than most people!

All of the things I talked about above are things I have done myself and substantially improved my mental well-being as a result. I hope by sharing this advice to the world, we can make a dent in the mental health epidemic we have in the world today.

Here’s my story.

Coming from severe anxiety and depression (that runs in my family via generational trauma), as well as a distorted sense of self (swinging between low self-esteem and narcissism/grandiosity) stemming from immigration and upbringing, poor mental health has gotten me into a lot of trouble socially and academically. I had trouble making and keeping friends, and it also hindered my academic performance, especially during university.

In addition, I was once addicted to various substances such as partying, pornography, social media / external validation, and video games. I easily became addicted/obsessed with things — showing ADHD / ASD-like tendencies. Although I was never diagnosed officially, I think it is partly due to my low self-esteem, lack of self-purpose, and poor self-control, so I tried to seek out any type of pleasure/gratification available to distract myself from reality and fill in my feelings of emptiness. I also had a problem with people-pleasing and got involved with lots of toxic people.

Even though I accomplished many things for someone my age, I sought most of these accomplishments out of the need for external validation (wanting to be seen as the best) rather than self-fulfillment. As a result, I was condescending and boasted about my accomplishments whenever I could. And when something didn’t go the way I wanted, or if I wasn’t the most accomplished person in the group, my ideals were shattered. Also, I was unmotivated to do anything productive if I could not be recognized for it. My source of motivation was not internal, but external.

It took me years of self-reflection, meditation, practicing religion, and therapy to get me into a healthier state where I am more self-conscious, self-motivated, and self-confident. Although I haven’t completely shaken off the anxious and depressive thoughts, and sometimes still struggle with interpersonal boundaries, I have a much easier time living in the real world, staying focused, working hard to achieve my goals, being social, and building/maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.

I don’t wish my mental health experience on anyone, so I decided to help as many people as I can. It is why I studied psychology in school (in addition to my engineering degree) and started this blog, so I can reach as many people as possible to give self-improvement advice.