I feel behind in life

“My friends are all in relationships or getting married, while I have never been on a date!”

“My classmates are all making six figures, yet I’m still in school and don’t know what to do for my career!”

“Everyone is already doing XYZ, why do I not have it figured out yet?”

Relax bro. You’re doing fine.

Growing up, I was a late bloomer.

In school, I was one of the youngest and smallest kids in class. I was slow to learn things and trailed behind my classmates in grades and social skills.

For much of my childhood, I was introverted, shy, and awkward. I had a hard time making friends and was bullied all the time. Having moved countries multiple times, I was always the new kid, had a hard time fitting in, and was always isolated and bullied as a result.

In my Asian immigrant upbringing, there was always the expectation that I should be doing certain things at a certain age. I was always being compared to someone else — “This kid is doing this and that! Why can’t you do better?” Every parent wanted their children to win at the starting line.

So that became drilled into my mind. And when I saw someone else doing better at something, I always wanted it, and it stung. I wanted to be first and be the best at everything. But reality doesn’t always work that way.

When other kids were socializing, partying, and building their confidence, I was staying home, lost in my thoughts and anxieties. When others were excelling in school, doing extracurriculars, and finding jobs and internships, I was a shut-in and didn’t have anything lined up. When others were dating and getting in and out of relationships, I was a kissless virgin, sitting at home playing video games and being depressed.

On the one hand, I was craving these experiences that everyone else was having, but on the other hand, I was too anxious and lazy to do anything about it. It only made my anxiety and depression worse.

It was all in my head. What I didn’t realize was that there were many things I did well and excelled at. But I never paid attention to them as I was always focused on what I didn’t have. All while I was comparing myself to everyone else’s highlights and ignoring their struggles.

Society and social media put a lot of pressure on us to have everything together as early as possible. It’s the capitalist rat race — everyone rushing to achieve milestones as soon as they can, as if life were a competition with a deadline.

We all run our own race in life. Everyone’s timeline is different.

As a religious person, I believe God (or any other greater being) always looks out for you. God has plans and lessons for everyone, and through different experiences in life, the lessons are taught to you.

We each have our own unique lives. And if you try to force someone else’s life onto you, you will probably be miserable. If you keep thinking you’re behind, you’ll never appreciate where you are now.

Although I can probably do a lot better, I still managed to have a great education, a good-paying job in a career I am happy with, a roof over my head, interesting hobbies, an amazing group of friends, and accomplishments I can be proud of.

These are things many strive to accomplish in their entire lives. And that I am so lucky and privileged to be in my current position in my 20s.

Seeing myself as a late bloomer has taught me several things — patience, persistence, humility, and faith. Lessons I probably would’ve never learned had I had everything going smoothly right at the beginning.

Patience because growth and success don’t always happen on a preferred timeline. Persistence because setbacks aren’t failures but a part of the process. Humility because everyone has limitations, and you can’t have it all. And faith — whether in myself or something greater — because even when things seem uncertain, there’s always a path forward.

Struggle, as frustrating as it can be, has a way of shaping character in ways that ease and immediate success never could.

By all means, do not rush just because you feel like you’re falling behind. The truth is, rushing things rarely leads to a good outcome. I’ve seen many settle into terrible jobs or relationships because they wanted a job or didn’t want to be single. When you are desperate for an outcome, you rush the process and make mistakes you later regret. Good things take time to build.

And having things work out early doesn’t always turn out great either. Some people get married at 20 and divorce a few years later. Others don’t get their first marriage until 40 but stay happily married for life. Some land their dream job at 22 and burn out by 30, while others figure things out much later and have fulfilling careers. Some travelled the world in their 20s and went broke while others quietly built their wealth and retired early. Some achieved everything they wanted by 35 and felt empty afterwards. Again, everyone has a unique journey, and there is no right timeline to live life.

If I were to live again, I’d happily choose to be a late bloomer and enjoy my life slowly, exploring and taking it one lesson at a time, rather than speedrunning through all the milestones and feeling empty at the end.

If you’re feeling like you’re falling behind, here is my advice for you:

• Be grateful for what you already have — Appreciate the small things in life — your health, your friends, the experiences you’ve had. Sometimes, the things we take for granted are the very things others wish they had.
• Find your priorities and don’t try to have it all — Life is not a checklist of achievements. Figure out what truly matters to you and focus on that instead of chasing what society deems as “success”.
• Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes with others’ highlight reels — Social media only shows the best moments, not the struggles. Everyone has their own battles, even if they don’t post about them.
• Don’t always be focused on things you don’t have — It’s one way to never be happy. Instead, shift your mindset to abundance and recognize that progress, no matter how slow, is still progress.
• Don’t lose hope — Have faith that things will work out eventually, but even if they don’t, life has surprises. Some of the best things in life happen when you least expect them. Stay open to new possibilities.
• Don’t wait to start living — Live in the now. You don’t need to reach a milestone before you can enjoy life. Happiness isn’t just found in the future — it’s in the present, in the little moments that make up your journey.
• Don’t rush — Growth and success take time. Rushing into decisions — whether in your career, relationships, or personal goals — often leads to mistakes and regret. Trust that things will fall into place when they are meant to. Embrace the journey rather than obsessing over the destination.

At the end of the day, no one else can define success, happiness, or purpose for you. What fulfills someone else may not fulfill you. Take the time to explore, reflect, and discover what truly resonates with you. Your path is yours alone — walk it with confidence and curiosity.

Nobody is ahead or behind in life. It’s just the fact that everyone is different and moves along at a different pace. If everyone is exactly the same and is doing the same things at every age, then what will the world become?

So if you feel like you’re falling behind, remember this: You are exactly where you need to be. Life isn’t a race, and there’s no universal timeline you need to follow, no matter what society tells you. The moments you spend worrying about being “behind” are moments you could be using to actually live.

That being said, while it’s true that there’s no strict timeline for life, it’s also true that we don’t have all the time in the world either. Life is unpredictable — nothing is guaranteed, not even tomorrow. Sometimes, we put things off, thinking we’ll have more time later, only to realize that opportunities slip away, people move on, and time doesn’t wait for us.

If there’s something you truly want to do, whether it’s pursuing a dream, building relationships, or improving yourself, start now! Not because you’re behind, but because time is limited, and waiting indefinitely can mean never doing it at all.

You don’t have to rush through life, but you also don’t want to live with regret, wishing you had started sooner. Finding the balance between patience and action is key. Embrace your own pace, but also recognize that some things are worth going after while you still have the chance.

In the end, growth isn’t linear, and success isn’t one-size-fits-all. Happiness doesn’t come from checking off milestones — it comes from embracing your own journey, at your own pace.

So take a deep breath. Trust yourself. Appreciate where you are. And keep moving forward — not because you’re trying to catch up, but because life is meant to be lived, not rushed.