If you’re young and struggling

Many young adults are feeling lost, lonely, and anxious.

Being a young adult today is not easy. We are coming of age at an objectively worse time than older generations in the developed world, at least since the end of WW2.

From the pandemic to virtualization to economic uncertainty and mass immigration, many of you missed out on graduations, proms, dating, part-time jobs, and other typical coming-of-age experiences. Many of you cannot afford to move out, go on dates, get married, have kids, or find a decent job. Many of you are not doing as well as your parents at the same age.

Mental health is also getting worse each year — many have issues like anxiety, depression, ASD, ADHD, personality disorders, and substance addiction problems are running rampant. Physical health is just as bad with obesity and other health problems continuing to rise.

As a young adult in my mid-20s living in North America, I can relate to many of the sentiments. Call it the quarter-life crisis or whatever, if you’re a young adult reading this now, you’re not alone.

Our generation has come of age at a weird time—growing up in a fully digitalized world, living in a heightened state of anxiety and societal division post-9/11 and Great Recession, never experiencing calmness or stability with mass media blasting negativity and fearmongering, and being in school, finishing school, or entering the workforce during the global pandemic, social unrest, and uncertainty.

From increased wealth inequality and decreasing quality of life, worsening mental health, and an increasingly hostile and divided society, young people today are not being dealt a good hand.

Your 20s or young adulthood is supposed to be a time of freedom and little anxiety. It’s supposed to be the best time of your life.

Well, at least that’s what the movies, TV shows, and social media wanted you to believe. Life is not a movie or fantasy.

Your 20s are your first time being free and navigating the world, and having to juggle adult responsibilities. You are leaving your family for the first time. You’re trying to get your life together and build a foundation. You are constantly learning about yourself and others, and how the world functions. And finally, you’re balancing between parental/societal expectations vs. your own ideas, and trying to form your own identity. It is a lot to take in.

Also, your prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully form until 25–30 years of age, which means your self-identity is constantly shifting. You’re constantly raging in your hormones, emotions, and peer pressure rather than being driven by your own purpose and rationality. You don’t really know what you want, and you don’t really have full control of yourself. You’re full of angst.

With the coming of age, you are going through a lot of changes in your life in a short timespan — going from the safety and structure of school to the hostility and unpredictability of the workforce, leaving the familiarity of your home and moving to unknown places, having childhood friends drifting away as they get move away or busy with their own lives, and going from your childhood dreams to learning about the harsh realities of adult life.

As people are all over the place in their 20s and display themselves on social media where people only showcase their highs, it is easy to fall behind or think you are falling behind. Many young people struggle to find their place in the world, hence the quarter-life crisis.

Your 20s is a time of anxiety and unknown. It is a time of possibilities and opportunities. And I’d argue that your 20s are the most important decade in your life. I consider it the great divide — if you play your cards right, your life can really take off. If you don’t, you can fall really far.

Some of the choices you make in your 20s can truly make or break your life, from your attitude to your surroundings to your career to your romantic partner.

I’m already seeing this great divide play out among my peers. Back then we all grew up in the same neighbourhood and went to the same schools, and not much had separated us. Over the years as people chose their attitudes, careers, romantic partners, and environments, these people now range from homeless drug addicts and video-game-addicted NEETs to parents, scholars, employees at top firms, and multi-millionaire entrepreneurs and executives. And I’m sure the gap will only increase as time goes on.

And with this divide, it’s easy for young people to grow apart and be alone. What I had in common with high school or university friends are now no more. People are moving away from my city, starting careers and long-term relationships, and finding new interests. As everyone settles into their own niches and grows into themselves, it is harder to find like-minded people.

In fact, many people never grow up. They still talk about their “glory days” in high school or college, work the same minimum wage jobs, hang out with the same group of people, and do the same stuff. Many others simply give up and stop contributing to society. And like crabs in a bucket, they want others around them to suffer with them, so they pull each other down. It’s easy to be sucked into this echo chamber of negativity. At the same time, it’s terrifying to be alone, so it feels comfortable staying in that echo chamber.

Growing up is uncomfortable. It’s so easy to be a kid and have everything taken care of. It is easy to not have responsibilities. It is easy to give up and not face the challenges, or work towards the life you want because it feels lonely. It’s easy to just doomscroll and read on social media how bad life is today and stay in your comfort zone. Taking ownership of your life is difficult, especially in a time of change and uncertainty.

In fact, life is always uncertain, and according to Albert Einstein, change is the only constant in life. If you are not ready to deal with change in your 20s, how can you live the rest of your life? Are you just going to live in a cave?

But younger generations are being dealt a bad hand — We are living in a worse time than older generations! We are not doing as well as our parents at the same age! Society is not fair to Millenials and Gen Z!

Despite some truth to this, it is also not unique to today’s youth. I believe it’s been amplified by the social media echo chamber, which has given more people a voice. In this chaotic world, from the beginning of human history, every generation has had its own problems during their coming of age.

Older Millennials and Gen X had to deal with the fall of the Soviet Union, the Gulf Wars, the Dot Com bubble, and Y2K. The Boomers had to go through the nuclear threats of the Cold War, racism and Civil Rights, the Vietnam War drafts and protests, as well as the Oil Crisis. The previous generations grew up in the Great Depression and fought in the World Wars.

In some ways, what we are dealing with today is nothing compared to things older generations have gone through. You didn’t have to fight in wars and suffer from PTSD. You haven’t lived in abject poverty struggling to put food on the table or a roof over your head. You didn’t have to deal with racism and segregation. You are quite privileged. A lot of our generation’s troubles are really first-world problems, amplified by popular and social media.

And it doesn't end there. From the past to the present to the future, something is going on every year. There will continue to be wars and conflicts, there will be more economic crises, and there will be more disasters and pandemics. The future is unpredictable, and nobody is truly safe from those.

Also, if you think your parents or elders don’t like what you’re doing or don’t understand you, trust me, you’re not alone — each older generation has never understood the things younger people do. It has never changed. Most people live in a shell and don’t know what’s going on.

And you think people all grow up and mature? Nope. Most people are just getting by and surviving. Everyone, young or old, poor or wealthy, is lost to some extent. Nobody truly feels secure, grown-up, or has it all figured out — it’s just the nature of life. Embrace the unknown and the state of being lost. You can keep changing, improving, and adapting, but there is no limit.

Finally, you think the social problems today, like mental health issues and loneliness, are unique to Millenials and Gen Z only? Nope. People suffered just as much back then, and most simply suffered in silence and never complained because society told them to carry on and stop complaining. It’s a modern privilege to even be able to stop, reflect, and speak up.

Life is a struggle, and everyone in this world, from the poor to the rich, from the young to the old, from Africa to North America, is going through some form of struggle, whether you see it or not. Everybody has problems to deal with. As the Buddha says, Life is suffering. As I said in another post, trauma and suffering are a part of being human.

As a fellow young adult, my advice to you all is, get your head out of this media-fueled negativity, and start becoming the change you want to see.

Only you are responsible for yourself. Your parents don’t know as much as you think. Others have their lives to live and can’t pamper you all the time.

If you’re not satisfied with your life, go out and make some changes. Sitting here dooming and complaining won’t change anything — You cannot expect society and others to change for you. In a world as individualistic as it is, nobody owes you anything, and nobody is entitled to anything. Stop wasting your time dwelling in your negative bubble.

Reality is harsh, and in a world as competitive as it is, you need to grow or society will push you to grow. However, run your own race. Life is a race, but it is not against others. You define the race you want to run.

Live the life you want to live. There is no right or wrong way to live your life unless you’re causing harm to others.

Especially when you’re younger, unless your family is well-off, you need to take risks, make sacrifices, and invest in your future. Work towards a career and spend less than what you make if you want to be wealthy and have free time later in life. Put effort into your social life if you want to have friends. Go out and date if you want to start a relationship or family. Put effort into your health if you want to be healthy. In the end, you create the world around you.

Furthermore, be persistent in your efforts and work through the challenges — do not give up on your career, relationship, or self-improvement just because it is hard at the beginning or it feels lonely. Nothing worthwhile comes easy — if you stay persistent and work smart, good things will come to you eventually (although not guaranteed). You’ll eventually find enjoyment in your routine. And build good habits so your effort is sustainable.

Also, don’t let others hold you back on the life you want to live. Don’t hold back on your plans just because you don’t feel ready, don’t have enough money yet, or that the economy is bad, or that a war or pandemic is going on … Whatever — these things are out of your control, and you can only control your actions in the present. You can make it work and you just haven’t tried — go take that risk. Many people worry about random things out of their control and refuse to take action. Stop worrying. Start living.

And don’t try to hold onto your old way of life, from your childhood friends to family members to your old habits, if that’s stopping you from growing. I get it, it feels lonely and uncomfortable, but that’s the nature of growth. You are shedding your old skin/shell that’s holding you back. People come and go in life, and most of these people you think are very important now, whether they’re friends, family members, or a significant other, will likely not be as important years later. You are the only constant in life, so focus on yourself.

Finally, be the leader in your family and community, and lead by action. When others see you make a move, they will follow. Connect with more people, and motivate your peers to better themselves. Help each other and create positive reinforcement for each other. Once everyone around you becomes better, the society around you becomes better. However, in the end, you can’t expect others to change, so you need to be content on your own, and be ready to walk away from people if they are dragging you down.

And be thankful to the world, from your parents to your friends and communities. No matter how full of sh*t you think they are, they made you who you are, and did the best they could with their knowledge at the time. Give back to them. We live in a society after all.

Don’t waste your youth. Life is too short.