You are holding yourself back
Are you trying to fit into a mould that was never meant for you?
Growing up in a strict Asian household, I was always taught to keep my head down, follow the rules, and never stand out too much from the crowd — “The loudest crow gets shot first”.
Blending in was seen as the safest route — no risks, no trouble. So I wore a mask, suppressing parts of myself to fit into expectations that weren’t even mine. I played the role that was assigned to me, and for a while, it worked.
I studied hard, got good grades, participated in extracurriculars, didn’t party, date, or socialize too much, and got into good universities—I was your typical “model student”.
But eventually, it became exhausting.
Deep inside, I craved to be different. I wanted to be edgy and funny. I wanted to experience the “typical high school/college experience”. I envied those who seemed so carefree, who made reckless decisions, who laughed loudly without hesitation. I wanted to be that, too. But I was trapped in my own self-imposed prison, constantly measuring myself against expectations I never even set for myself.
Constantly pretending, constantly trying to please others, constantly fearing judgment — it was draining. I lost sight of who I really was, and by the time I realized it, I had already burned out. Living for others had left me feeling empty, and the worst part? I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
So I let go.
I stopped trying to be who I thought I needed to be and just allowed myself to be. I went out and partied, made memes and edgy jokes on social media, and hung out with people who weren’t exactly who my parents liked. And honestly? It was liberating.
Sure, some people didn’t like it. My parents weren’t exactly thrilled. Some friends distanced themselves and thought I was going mad. But at the end of the day, I wasn’t living for them — I was living for myself.
And when you finally embrace who you are, something amazing happens: the right people stay. The ones who truly care about you don’t leave because you stop playing a role — They stay because they value the real you.
Looking back, I don’t remember the countless hours I put into school trying to get that perfect grade or win some meaningless academic award. I remember all the parties I crashed, the late-night drives with my friends, the reckless adventures that made no sense but made my heart race, the inside jokes that made me laugh until I cried, and the moments when I felt completely, undeniably alive.
If you spend your life trying to please everyone, you will lose yourself in the process. If you tone yourself down for the comfort of others, you will always feel like you’re not enough.
People change their minds all the time — it is impossible to please everyone in the world. You can spend years shaping yourself into someone you think people will approve of, only to find that their opinions shift like the wind.
And then what? Do you reshape yourself again? Do you keep molding and bending until you’re nothing but a shadow of what you once were?
Go out and do things for yourself. Don't hold yourself back. Make mistakes — Because you don’t learn otherwise.
If you want to do something, don’t hold back or wait for approval first. No one else can give you permission to live your own life. If you wait for others to validate your choices, you might wait forever.
The truth is, people will always have opinions, but their approval isn’t what defines you. If something excites you, if it fuels your passion, if it feels right deep in your soul — go for it. Because the regret of not trying is far worse than any judgment you might face.
On the other hand, making mistakes doesn’t mean being completely reckless.
There’s value in learning from the experiences of others — watching what worked for them, what went wrong, and applying those lessons to your own journey. Balance is key. Taking risks is essential for growth, but so is being mindful of consequences. Be bold, but not blind. Push boundaries, but don’t ignore wisdom. Freedom doesn’t mean a lack of responsibility; it means choosing wisely and living intentionally.
Life isn’t meant to be lived in a perfectly calculated manner, checking off all the right boxes to ensure a smooth ride and keeping everyone around you happy. It’s meant to be messy, unpredictable, and chaotic.
Life is supposed to be full of ups and downs. Only this way can you learn all the lessons that life is supposed to teach you. If you live life like treading water carefully, you don’t get much out of it. If you’re always watching your step, you’ll never know what it feels like to run. If you’re always filtering yourself, you’ll never know what it feels like to be truly seen.
Be yourself unapologetically. You are not meant to fit into everyone’s expectations. The people who matter will accept you, and the ones who don’t? They were never really for you to begin with.
Unleash who you are. Because the world doesn’t need another version of someone else — it needs the real you.
